puppy trouble

just got back from taking roly to the vet for his castration. i am so worried it's not true. i think i told you all he has a heart murmur, a very loud one, and putting him under an anaesthetic is very risky. but the vet made clear that there might be problems and was worried so i'm now even more worried than before. he is my baby and i really don't know what i will do if he doesn't wake up. since i got him a few weeks after my dad died he has been my rock, i didn't need antidepressants to make me function because he needed me, even if i wanted to stay in bed all day and ignore the world i couldn't because the little puppy needed his breakfast and walks and lots and lots of puppy cuddles!! i'm sure he'll be fine, but...
i thought posting might help me keep my mind off it, but it's obviously not, so i'll let you know what happens, they thought he'd be done between 10:30 and 11, which is while we're taking clare to work, and i'm going with mummy so she can answer the phone so i don't have to! hopefully in the next hour we'll know.